Isaiah 40:28-31 is one of the first scriptures I learned as a child because we read it at my church every week. Nevertheless, in spite of having it memorized since I was 9 I did not understand its true significance until my 20s. I had recently found out I was pregnant with my first son Jaden and I was feeling drained of all my strength, not only that but I was experiencing a great lack of confidence. I knew the life God had promised me, I knew what I saw when I closed my eyes each night, what I saw when I prayed but none of that seemed to match up with my current reality.
How did traveling the world and experiencing different cultures turn into this? When did becoming a bestselling author and financially free woman become a figment of my imagination? When did my greatest aspiration turn from changing lives to changing diapers, which no one could see? I was absolutely convinced that God had forgotten about me.
Maybe I made it all up. Maybe the dreams were just dreams. At least that’s what I thought until he had other people cross my path and reveal things He’d only told me privately. Suddenly I found my hope renewed, God was restoring my strength, I experienced a second wind in the very areas where I had grown faint. I started to gain hope – maybe God will do it for me.
Maybe I haven’t completely lost my mind. Maybe it just wasn’t the right timing. I started to see glimpses of why things had to happen the way that they did. I had to be here as an example, he was using my pain to encourage other women. He built up my discipline and perseverance too. He even allowed our finances to be motivation for our move.
What seemed like chaos became a strategy. He established a purpose where there had only been pain. Best of all He allowed me to be a part of those called to do a wonderful work for Jesus’ name. So as I look back now I can see, this entire time God was waiting for His light to be able to be shone through me.
He turned each crack in my varnish into a testimony. Each weakness into a strength. He built up my confidence and my endurance. I learned over time that I’m stronger than I ever believed and that I may bend but I don’t break, because of Him I am resilient and have elasticity. This whole time I thought I was waiting on God – turns out He was waiting on me.
Want to learn more about how God births purpose through our pain? Listen to the Black Girls with Purpose Podcast – Pain and Purpose series.